Brian Krzyzewski for '10 Student Trustee

Vote Brian Krzyzewski Class of ’10 Student Trustee.

I am endorsing Brian Krzyzewski for Student Trustee because he is my roommate and that is awesome.

Now don’t hold the fact that Brian Krzyzewski is my roommate against him, because sometimes, when we are sitting in the living room watching TV, he just sits there and stares at me, with eyes full of contempt and hatred. I can tell he finds me to be one of the most heinous persons on the face of the Earth, and that, my internet friends, is a sign of good taste.

Sometimes, late at night, when I’m standing over Brian Krzyzewski’s bed, watching him sleep, I track the gentle rise an fall of his chest as he breathes and think to myself, “that is the rhythmic breathing pattern of a true leader.” Standing there in the dark of the night, I imagine his angelic blue eyes and say in a hushed tone, “that is the icy blue stare of a man I’d like to represent me at high level Vermont Law School meetings.”

Thinking of standing over Brian Krzyzewski while he sleeps reminds me of a story from my childhood. There was a drug store located about two miles from my house, in a town center. On weekends, I biked all the way to the area, ostensibly to rent a Nintendo game at the video store. But, once I stole my first issue of Playboy (tucked into my windbreaker), I stole a new Playboy every month. And I can recite those older Playmates practically in chronological order: Kerri Kendall, Cheryl Bachman, Carrie Jean Yazel, etc. The only problem with stealing those Playboys was that I had to bike the two miles all the way home in order to get to my room and masturbate in a sweaty furor. I was fat, so it took a while. Once, I just pulled over the side of the road and did it in the woods. I may have tried to have sex with a tree, but I'm not ready to admit that.

Brian Krzyzewski once told me that he desired to one day have a profession where he could be called “Big Daddy.” Mob Boss, Football Coach, Boarding School Director, Brothel Proprietor, any of these professions would work. Well, I think that “Big Daddy Brian Krzyzewski” sounds like a fine moniker for a student trustee.

Also, he hates Bacardi Limon.

VOTE BIG DADDY STUDENT TRUSTEE!!!

Love always;