6:19:05 PM: It's raining on Billy Joel, and ladies and gentlemen, he' butchering the national anthem. I've returned home from a Super Bowl party because it's impossible to watch a game with a bunch of people talking, and I'm an asshole.
6:25:29 PM: Bears win the toss; I just had a flashback to the pre-game show abortion.
6:28:49 PM: Devin Hester returns the opening kickoff 92 yards for a score, how many people's prop bets have either broke them, or made them very happy…
6:35:19 PM: Chris Harris picks Peyton Manning, only because two other Bears dropped easy interceptions. Doritos does not start the commercials off very well. Dear God, Katie Couric…
6:38:57 PM: The Sex Cannon completes his first pass, hide the virgins, "good Rex" is at the game tonight.
6:39:52 PM: Uh oh, "Fuck it, I'm throwing deep" Rex just showed up.
6:41:01 PM: How the hell did "salesgenie.com" afford a fucking Super Bowl spot, that commercial looked like it belonged on Comedy Central at 3 AM.
6:44:17 PM: At first glance, it appears our quarterback match up is "Fuck it, I'm throwing deep" Rex versus "Happy Feet" Peyton
6:47:34 PM: Apparently, Da Bears did not put "covering Reggie Wayne" into the defensive game plan for the Super Bowl and a bad handle by Hunter "don't call me S" Smith saves the Bears a point.
6:52:29 PM: Huge Play! The Bears lose the ensuing kickoff and now…HOLY SHIT, HUGER PLAY! The Bears have the ball now, JESUS TITTY FUCKING CHRIST big run by Thomas Jones…This game is just playing with my emotions.
6:55:18 PM: Touchdown! Sex Cannon to the prophet Mohammed (the Islamists are not going to like this one)
6:59:26 PM: A movie about a Black swim team, everyone knows Black people can't swim, stupid Hollywood…
7:00:37 PM: Carlos Mencia brings political incorrectness to Super Bowl commercials
7:05:09 PM: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! Bob Sanders is a very bad man…Colts ball at the 43 after a Benson fumble caused by Sanders.
7:10:12 PM: After a Colts punt, Bob Sanders and Bethea teaches Cedric Benson to rung between the tackles on the worst running defense in NFL history…What the fuck??
7:14:51 PM: David Spade looks excited to be at the Super Bowl
7:15:58 PM: End of First Quarter
7:22:48 PM: Decent drive by the Colts Vinatieri is in, and it's good. 14-9 Chicago
7:24:33 PM: Dumbass Dalmatian commercial from Bud, fuckin' AWESOME Ultraman and hair metal commercial for some GPS product I can't remember, can't afford, and don't need.
7:31:02 PM: Um what the hell was that with the dumb looking Chevy and men in their underwear…um, way to know the Football audience Chevy, no wonder the "Big 3" is losing money by the truckload.
7:35:04 PM: Touchdown Dominic Rhodes, he burrowed in on that one, Indy has their first lead at 16-14.
7:39:54 PM: Chevy pulls out another crap effort with a suicidal manufacturing robot.
7:45:05 PM: CBS starts the Colts' possession with an Urlacher dick-sucking "Simms Spotlight." Who wants to bet that the Barbaro's put together a good drive this time?
7:49:23 PM: two-minute warning
7:50:24 PM: Ugly fumble by Fletcher, Bears ball.
7:51:15 PM: Ugly fumble by Sex Cannon, Colts ball.
7:53:19 PM: Colts run a, um I don't know, option? This game is fucking U-G-L-Y, it ain't got no alibi. And, according to Frito Lay, there are black people involved in today's game.
7:57:00 PM: Vinatieri missed the kick, 16-14 Colts at the half, and the winner if the first half…the turnover!!!
8:30:26 PM: Prince brought the "A" for the half-time show, and the Colts get the ball first in the second half.
8:38:44 PM: Waiting for a "too many men on the field" review, and Nantz finally make a good point, Indy has had the ball for half of the 3rd quarter, and he made it five minutes after my roommate recognized it, but it was a good point. Field goal Colts, 19-14.
8:43:16 PM: Sex Cannon comes on for the first time in over an hour (not counting the fumbled snap), this could be bad.
8:47:32 PM: Two okay plays to give Bears' fans hope, then Sex Cannon trips running from Booger, followed by a "Keystone Kops) fumble…punt
8:49:03 PM: Careerbuilder.com just checked in with the best commercial of the day, office workers fighting for a promotion, while wearing office supplies as armor. Well played Careerbuilder.com, well played…
8:51:04 PM: Rhodes busts off a big run, this could be the finishing blow drive here…fifteen yard facemask tacked onto an 8 yard run.
8:54:30 PM: Chicago dodges another red zone bullet, and then runs into the kicker; they're still alive, though. 22-14.
8:56:56 PM: Robert Goulet is destroying an office for Emerald Nuts, and a pretty White girl thinks Charles Barkley is Dwayne Wade's dad.
8:59:54 PM: Kevin Federline, Oh my fucking god…
9:04:44 PM: A nice Jewish boy kicks a field goal for the Bears, and we're looking at 22-17. Why is this game so close?
9:11:24 PM: End of the Third, 22-17…oh dear go Katie Couric…It's still a one possession game folks.
9:24:38 PM: After the Sex Cannon gets saved by the receiver on a throw behind him, he then returns to his old form, and *BAM* pick-6…29-17 and Nantz is telling us that no team has ever come back from more than ten down in the fourth…Well It'll be nice for Happy Feet to get some recognition for his efforts, he never gets any recognitions.
9:28:45 PM: Jay-Z and Don Shula…aw fuck it, I can't do that piece of crap justice in a live blog.
9:32:41 PM: Sex Cannon, after some successful underneath mid-range crossing patterns, says "Fuck it, I'm going deep!!" Interception Bob Sanders…Before the play I was making the jokes, and then he did it, it was destiny. Sextasy under threw the ball poorly.
9:44:41 PM: This game is underwhelming
9:47:20 PM: So, now comes the time to think about the MVP award. There are no impressive statistics in this game, so I think it's going to be Peyton Manning by default. The real MVP is the Colts' offensive line. Happy Feet has had plenty of time, and the running game has been more than effective (as I write this, the Colts are breaking off rushing yards in ten-yard chunks). If there was a playoff MVP, Bob Sanders all the way, the man is a machine.
9:58:30 PM: Gatorade shower, and ball game. Colts 29 Bears 17, in a wildly unentertaining Super Bowl XLI, I'm going to go get drunk.
Monday, February 5, 2007
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